ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
