I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
