I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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