So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
