wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
