Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
