i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
