i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize