At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
