I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
