apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How does one acquire holy water?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
