Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got inside last night via doggy door
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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