he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
