here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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