am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
