just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
