I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
