You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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