I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
