Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
