you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
