my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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