My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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