??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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