i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
