i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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