no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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