she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
