We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
