I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
