Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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