matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
