Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
