so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How's work?
Spinning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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