if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize