i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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