I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
