Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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