he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
