Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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