rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
