3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
