So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
