i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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