I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
