im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize