Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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