I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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