Whats the glycemic index on semen?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Houston, we have a squirter
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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