The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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