Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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