What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
