wakey wakey hands off snakey
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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