I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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