his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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