; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
