I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
