Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize