She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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