Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize