Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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