watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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