I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize