On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize