Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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