This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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