I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
