is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
