she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize