so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize