i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
