I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Porn is love you can see.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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