My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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