Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
