I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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