If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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