On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have grass duct taped all over my body
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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