You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Everything about him screamed your future.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
