I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
