Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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