She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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