It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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