Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
