bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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