Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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