At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
