so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
