its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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