We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
