If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
