I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
