i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
