I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
