I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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