So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
