I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
